Lessons from Rexburg

1. The bigger the hair, the prettier you are. Even if the excessive lopsided hair teasing gives you a square head.
2. You can NEVER go wrong with Ed Hardy, rhinestones on everything, or mustard yellow.
3. Having pockets on your leggings somehow turns them from tights into perfectly acceptable pants.
4. The darker your tights, the shorter your skirt can acceptably be in church. 
5. Four-wheelers and this thing are street legal, but throwing snowballs is a crime.
   
6.  Making skirts out of ties stolen from elders on your mission is not actually creepy.
7. Struggling across icy sidewalks in heels is TOTES worth it for the chance to wear that adorbs outfit to class
8. Scraping the top half of snow off the road and leaving a huge pile/median in the middle is considered acceptable snow plowing.
9. When your apartment manager sends out an e-mail telling you you have to move your car out of the parking lot at 8 am on a Saturday so they can plow the lot, emphasizing how it's totally worth getting up in the negative temperatures to have a clear parking lot, she actually means you have to move your car at 8 am so they can redistribute the snow across the lot and do nothing to get rid of the 3 inch layer of ice that covers the asphalt.
10. Since the plowing does nothing, when girls re-park in the parking lot, they only strengthen the stereotype of girls being bad drivers, when, instead of parking like this:

    

    Ignore the bad phone drawing. Note that this is a TERRIBLE layout for a parking lot anyway.

    they think it's totally rational to park like this:

    

    This may seem like a better way, but that's just because i got better at finger phone drawing for this one. it's actually way worse and makes no sense. that's not how the parking lot is shaped. the other day, there was a truck parked ON THE SIDEWALK.

11. The honor code is of equal importance to salvation with the commandments. You wore shorts across the DEDICATED SIDEWALK into the DEDICATED gym? No chance of heaven for you! You were still walking home at 12:01? A boy was in your apartment at 10:00 am? You dyed a chunk of your hair purple?  Hope you enjoy the Telestial, sinner.
12. The McDonalds here don't sell the Spicy McChicken sandwich. Which is a travesty, because everyone knows that's the only good non-breakfast or dessert item on the menu.
13. It's perfectly normal to go door-to-door "tracting" to meet girls. Not creepy, but normal.
14. Despite the overly aggressive nature of 85% of females here (3:1 girl to guy ratio does that to you), the problem with dating is that girls aren't forward enough. Expect a blog on this one later.
15. Don't like the neckline on that shirt? Put on four other ones to distract from it, and you'll be cute! (Shirt too low? Start with a turtleneck, add a Layers brand shirt for good measure, then the shirt you want to wear on top. Maybe add a tank top over it all for good measure. There you go, that's hot.)
16. Mom bobs + extreme highlights + rhinestones + 2 inches of foundation = high class.
17. Yelling out "Honor Code" at people walking by five minutes after curfew means you love them, not that you're pretentious and judgmental.
18. When you run out of things to do, take up meat sculpting!
19. Weekly devotional attendance is a completely rational measurement of whether or not a man is date worthy.
20. This is a normal sight:

    

    He also needs help finding his lost dog and gives free candy to children

    
    

To Be Continued...

 P.S (Keep in mind that even though this post sounds super sarcastic and negative -- because it is -- Rexburg is actually ridiculously awesome and I do love it. A lot. But sometimes I can't handle it, so I need to let out some steam.)