The "Nice Guy"

Warning: The following blog may be overly blunt and harsh. But it's my blog so I'll post what I want. 

This is what girls picture when they think "nice guy". Notice he clearly has confidence, is smiling, and is not playing WoW.

I can't even tell you how many times I've heard a man say "nice guys finish last" or "girls always say they want the nice guys, but it's not true." Or some other self-pitying comment. Well, here's the deal, kids. If you're calling yourself "a nice guy" it probably means you're weird. Sorry, but it's true.

This is what I want to say to (almost) every guy who has ever called himself a "nice guy" in reference to the popular saying referenced above; you're probably not the "nice guy," a girl pictures when she says she wants a nice guy. You're probably a little weird and/or insecure and/or awkward. Yeah, maybe you do treat women exceptionally well. I bet you are really a very kind person. But when you get right down to it, your "kindness" may come off as creepy and a little forced. Or your insecurities with women glare like a car following you with their brights on. Excusing your weirdness as being "a nice guy" doesn't make you less weird.

And honestly? Girls don't want "nice guys." Girls mostly want excitement and romance and confidence, topped with this semi-secret but totally obvious niceness and sensitivity and kindness.

When girls say they want a "nice guy," they are picturing one from a Nicholas Sparks novel-turned-movie. They want one who is confident and super sexy (coughChanningTatumcough) and who knows who he is and what he wants. They don't want a nice guy who is scared to talk to them. Or is needy. Clingy. Suffering from RM Syndrome. Has bad hygiene. Stands too close when they talk to girls. Doesn't talk to girls at all. Stares at girls too long when he does talk to them.  Uses awkward sentences. Forgets to flirt. Doesn't know how to flirt. Is insecure. And the list goes on.

Now, I'm not saying that there's no hope for these men, because there is. There is ALWAYS hope. There is always someone who will love your awkwardness and weird quirks. And as a bonus, ALL of those things have remedies.


So let's make a list of easy things all men can do that girls love:

1. Throw away your carpenter jeans. Women hate them. The only reason you should wear jeans with weird side pockets and a hammer loop is if you are actually using a hammer. The second you are done with the hammer, put on a nice pair of big boy jeans that fit you well.
2. Dress (up) well. I believe that if men knew how much women love a guy in a nice suit, they would never wear casual clothes again.
3. Wear sweatpants and/or athletic pants. For some reason, a man in good sweats/athletic pants is incredibly attractive to every female I know.
4. Smile. Smile often.
5. Eye Contact. But not too much. Remember to blink.
6. Make eye contact while you smile. Or while you laugh. Especially while you laugh. Few things can better draw women towards you than this. It sends a subtle but very clear message that what they're saying is important and interesting. It's the best way to flirt without talking.
7. Touch. But not creepily. Small touches on the arm or the back or shoulder communicate a lot. Whenever a guy touches me in casual conversation all my attention zeros in on that spot for a second and I lose track of what I was saying. It's a good trick for men to know how to use.
8. Ignore her. A little bit. Women love to be chased, but they also love to be ignored. I always say that she can't miss you if you're always there. Make her chase you every now and then... She'll love it and hate it all at the same time, and it will make her want you more. 
9. Listen. I'm always impressed and flattered when a guy remembers things from conversations we had days or weeks before.
10. Tease her. The moment I decide I'm going to be friends with someone is when they tease me. It breaks the "acquaintances" boundary and is one of the easiest ways to flirt.
11. Never tease about her body. Or if you do, do it tactfully in a way where she would never think there might be a tiny shred of truth in what you're teasing about.
12. Call her a nickname.
13. If you want her close to you, pull her close to you. Show her that you are attracted to her physically. 
14. Be a good person because you want to be a good person. Not because it looks good.
15. Have goals. 
16. Open doors for her and others. Don't pull out chairs though... I've always thought it's awkward.
17. Do sweet things because you want to, not because you feel obligated. If you're doing it out of obligation or guilt or to make yourself look better, everyone can tell.
18. Be Casual. A first date isn't a big deal. Don't read too much into anything and just go with the flow. That shows confidence.
19. Know who you are, what you want, and where you want to go. Even if you're shy, being confident in yourself, in what you believe, and who you are is crazy attractive.
20. Be Confident. Know what you deserve, and go for it.
21. Don't be a super creep. Feel how interested the girl is. Don't throw all these moves at a girl who barely gives you the time of day. If you can tell she's not interested, move on. Sweet things make a girl swoon if she's interested, but if she's not, you're instantly categorized as a super creep. Harsh, but true.

Kay, blogland, that's all for now. Guys, keep being nice, but stop being "a nice guy," because in the end, "a nice guy" = weird. A guy who is confident and also nice = winner.